And the Bulwer-Lytton Prize Goes To . . .

. . . Jim Guigli, for his parody of Raymond Chandler:

Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean.

Great stuff. You can read the rest of the winners in various categories here and you can read all the past grand prize entries here. The Bulwer-Lytton Prize, named after Edward Bulwer-Lytton, was established in 1982. It offers writers a prize if they can intentionally create a very bad opening line of a novel.